Do you have what it takes to be a relational leader?
These practical tips and tricks will be just the thing for leaders looking to transform their workplaces into positive, productive safe spaces. If that’s you, then you have come to the right place!
1. Focus, tune in, and really listen.
You may be familiar with the idea of active listening – how to nod along and make reassuring noises – but what does it mean to really listen? Here’s a secret… active listening is not just about nodding and saying, “Mm hmm.”
It starts with focus. When you are truly focused, you are attuned to what’s happening in the moment for the other person, instead of how you should be responding.
If a conversation is worth having, then it’s worth giving it your full attention. Put your phone away, forget about your to-do list, and show up. This conversation is going to take up a portion of your day, so give yourself the chance to make the most of it.
When you commit to being fully present in a conversation, you won’t have to demonstrate that you’re listening – because you are actually listening!
2. Show empathy.
Have you encountered the idea of ‘empathy’ in your personal life? It’s not just for out-of-office hours – it can have a positive influence on your leadership as well.
Having empathy for others doesn’t mean you have to relate to everything someone else is going through. Most of the time, you won’t share their exact experience. What makes a positive impact is the way you treat that person.
It can make a world of difference to your employees and colleagues to be led by someone who really listens, values, and tries to understand personal lived experience. This makes difficult moments easier to bear and can add to the joy of positive moments.
When you demonstrate empathy, you are combining active listening with active understanding. Need a practical tip? Try reflecting back what you are hearing from others when they are sharing with you. This will ensure you understand what they are saying and will help them feel how much you care about them. It’s also important to not assume you know how they feel or chime in with stories about your own similar experiences. Remember – each person is on their own individual journey.
3. Keep the other person’s mind in mind.
Think about it – every action you take has a thought or feeling behind it. You might snap at someone because you feel frustrated. Or you might share an important insight with someone because you trust them.
This goes for the people you work with as well.
When you’re actively working to see the world from another person’s perspective, it puts you in a strong position to gain a deeper understanding of their behaviour.
Recognising the process of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions can help you to pick up on clues in other people. These offer tentative insights into why someone might be acting or feeling a certain way.
As a starting point, try to notice when someone’s behaviour is different to what you would expect – like when a chatty person becomes unusually quiet, or someone who is usually calm suddenly seems frantic.
You won’t always know exactly what’s going on, but recognising that something might be going on is a powerful start to greater relational understanding.
4. Be curious and explore.
While curiosity can be bad news for a cat, it is a crucial habit to keep as leaders!
Being curious and open-minded is an indicator to others that you value their input and their place on your team. Not only can it help you reach great new ideas, but it can also assist you in effective problem-solving.
This is because curiosity allows you to get to the heart of the matter. A leader who is curious will seek these out other ideas or opinions instead of shutting them down. By asking the right questions and resisting the temptation to rush in with a solution right away, you can allow others to grow and thrive in a supportive environment. If someone is treated as an active and appreciated team member, they will want to be a part of that team.
Why not try and see what happens when you make one small change in your approach. When you are next in a meeting, ask someone for their opinion on a decision you have to make. This will signal to them that you value what they think and feel. It doesn’t mean you need to agree with every thought and idea – you just need to let them be part of the conversation. You never know what brilliant opportunities might arise.
5. Check your beliefs and assumptions.
In the modern world, information comes at you fast. As a leader, you’re juggling a number of projects, supporting your team, and trying to get your own work done. In order to make quick decisions, you will sometimes need to fall back on existing assumptions and beliefs.
Imagine a conversation with a colleague. They say something that strikes you as… less than smart. You might be tempted to leap to the conclusion that they don’t know what they’re talking about, that they can’t help you.
Now imagine that instead of making that conclusion, you took a minute to task them: “Did you mean…?”
This can feel challenging, but it’s a starting point for unpicking your assumptions and increasing your own understanding. You might discover that you’ve misunderstood what they said, or that there’s another angle you hadn’t considered. At the very least, you can support the other person to clarify their thoughts and present them in the best way possible.
After all, most people are doing the best they can with the skills and knowledge available to them in that moment. As a leader, your job is not to judge them, but to nurture them and give them the best chance to shine. By checking your own beliefs you can also reevaluate what they are within a workplace setting. Just remember that your way of thinking is not the only way. Others may come from differing opinions – and that is OK!
6. Flex and adapt your approach.
Not one person on this earth is the same as another. So why would we lead them the same way?
Recognising an individual for who they are alongside what they bring to the organisation can help each member of your team feel seen. That may mean addressing them a certain way or creating space for them to work effectively. Whatever it is, a leader who can be flexible and adaptable in their approach will be able to lead anyone.
Forcing someone to adapt to your own desires or a specific situation can instantly create issues like anxiety and frustration. These issues can then grow and become a problem across entire teams, especially if everyone is feeling unseen. Tailoring your communication to meet an individual’s needs and circumstances can create a more relaxed environment for them. It can help them feel more themselves in situations that might otherwise be challenging for them, and will benefit them – and you! – in the long run.
Take a look at what happens when you make one small change in your approach. Try allocating tasks to people based on their individual strengths, rather than what their specific role would suggest. It might inspire new and effective ways to conquer projects!
Leading people in this personal way is an excellent building block to becoming a stronger, more relational leader.
7. Develop a shared purpose.
Think about your goals and values in your workplace. What is the number one thing you want to achieve?
As you reflect on this, notice how well your vision of the future aligns with your actions. Are the steps you’re taking getting you closer to where you want to be?
Are you choosing to prioritise the things that support your desired outcomes?
On top of that, are you communicating this vision to your team in a way that actively includes them?
Flexibility is about being adaptable and responsive, but you also need to stay focused on your goals and true to your values. Try to develop goals with a fair balance between what you and others in your team need to achieve. When you do this, you will build a team with a shared sense of purpose.
One easy tip for increasing this value in your workplace is to go into each interaction knowing what you’d like to get out of it. Open your calendar and look at your next meeting. That’s an hour of your life – what do you want to get out of it? What do you want others to take away from that time? Picture yourself leaving that meeting knowing it was worth it, that everyone in it got from it what they needed clearly and effectively.
Keep that image in mind. Then, when you arrive, you’ll know what steps to take to stay focused and on track. This one small change can make such a difference to how you feel, especially when you are leading a team.
8. Keep tapping into your feelings.
None of us are emotionless robots who operate at 100% all the time.
One of the most impactful things you can do as a leader is to be aware of yourself and how you are feeling. If you’re struggling with something in your personal life, dealing with an illness while at work, or having a hard time with someone – your emotions can wreak havoc on your thinking and behaviour.
Understanding where you are operating from can help you articulate what you need from those you lead. It can also make sense of situations that feel outside of your control or overwhelming.
This is referred to as ‘the window of tolerance’. Think of your emotional state as specific colour zones:
- Green zone. Calm, understanding, rational.
- Blue zone. Depressed, numb, unmotivated.
- Red zone. Confused, irritated, reactive.
You want to try and stay in the green zone with your emotions. This is you operating in your most optimal state. When you begin to stray into the blue zone or red zone is when you will encounter difficulty coping and managing.
If you know you are struggling with something and it’s making it difficult to complete your work, try writing out two or three words or phrases that describe your feelings. Naming your emotions can help you begin to recognise them early. Try this exercise and notice what happens.
9. Regulate your response.
While it is important to recognise your emotions and consider others, it is also important to be mindful of your own reaction to situations that happen in the workplace. You may need to take a minute to reflect – this is why breaks within the work day are so important! The instinct to take a break is known as self-regulation.
Following a big meeting or an intense conversation, it can be helpful to take a moment for yourself. You may need space to process everything you’ve learned, or to get your head around any actions that have arisen.
After all – an interaction isn’t truly over until you are ready for the next one.
You are only human (sorry to break it to you!) and if your mind is still racing or your heart is still pounding, you’re not going to be at your best for whatever comes next. Give yourself time to reset in a way that works for you. It might help to do a quick breathing exercise, take a walk around the block, or jot down your thoughts to get them out of your head.
By taking time to process without rushing into something else that will demand your attention, you are regulating your response in a healthy way. This is a good instinct to cultivate as a leader.
10. Recognise and repair ruptures.
Sometimes, things go wrong – really wrong.
Mistakes and disagreements happen. Regardless of whether the fault lies at your feet or someone else’s, how you deal with the fallout of these occurrences can make or break your leadership.
It is so important to maintain a sense of connection and trust with those you lead. When you don’t treat them like individuals you know and understand, and instead treat them like they are just a cog in the works, it can negatively affect everything in your environment.
This rupture can happen regardless of whether it was your behaviour that caused it or not. There may be others in your team who started the break – but it is your responsibility as a leader to repair it. Once you have done the work to acknowledge any loss of connection, reset the conversation, and make a start to re-establishing mutual trust and understanding, then you will be able to maintain the connection once again.
Try to see what happens when you make one small change in your approach. If someone is feeling hurt by something that happened within your team, ask them if they would be up for private 1-to-1 meeting to calmly discuss what occurred without judgement and potential remedies going forward. Allowing them to have this option can empower them when they are feeling vulnerable!
What next?
Every great leader has a toolbox. We hope these ten behaviours will be the tools you reach for most often.
By employing these skills, you can increase your own leadership influence on others and help strengthen team dynamics. Not only will you become more confident, more empowered, and more enthusiastic about working relationships, but your team will also be happier, connected, and inspired.
You may be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but how do I implement these skills?”
We can help you there!
Our Relational leaders course will take you through everything you need to know about these 10 skills, relationship styles, and so much more. The training is interactive with one of our highly skilled professional trainers with over two decades’ of experience. Our trainers are able to deliver this training because they live these skills themselves. You can trust that they know exactly what they are talking about.
For more information, dates, and how to sign up for our next course, visit our Relational leaders page.
You can receive your FREE, downloadable guide to the 10 behaviours of a relational leader here.
